Falling Pearl
by Chrome Cougar
Summary: A crossover featuring Steven Universe with the 1943 Bugs Bunny short Falling Hare, with Pearl in place of Bugs and Peridot in place of the Gremlin.


[On an airfield, there stands a large barn structure housing ammunition. Pearl rests upon a bomb and reads an old book titled "Victory Through Air Power", chuckling at the contents.]

Pearl: Most assuming. "A constant menace to pilots are diabolic gremlins who damage planes with sabotage." Gremlins. Oh, human folklore. (laughs) Gremlins. Where did they come up with the notion of little creatures?

[Pearl continues to laugh, not noticing a small creature resembling Peridot walk by. She gets in one more laugh before being cut off by the bomb she's seated on suddenly shaking, as if it is being struck by something. She looks to see the Peridot like creature hefting a large mallet, using it to pound on the bomb's tip.]

Pearl: What's all this?

[Peridot sets down the mallet and looks up at Pearl.]

Peridot: These old bunker buster bombs don't go off unless you hit them just right.

Pearl: Oh, really?

Peridot: Really.

[Peridot picks up the mallet again and resumes pounding on the bomb's tip. Pearl watches and rolls her eyes at Peridot's effort.]

Pearl: Um, you there...

Peridot: The name's Peridot.

Pearl: Well, all right, Peridot. You're never going to trigger detonation that way, your form is all wrong. You'll never get enough power on the swing that way. Here, let me demonstrate.

[Pearl takes the mallet from Peridot, passing over the book. She then pushes Peridot back before taking a stance. She firmly plants her feet, gets a grip on the mallet, lines it up with the bomb's tip, and readies her swing. She gets the mallet fully back and starts to swing at her full strength, stopping just before actually striking the bomb.]

Pearl: WHAT AM I DOING?!

[Pearl turns back to where Peridot was and points angrily.]

Pearl: Ooh, why you little... You... Ooh... You... You?

[Pearl realizes that Peridot is gone, but the book is still there, it's pages turned to the section on gremlins.]

Pearl: GASP! Wait, was that...? No, impossible. But I saw it. Could that really have been a...gremlin?

[Peridot has sneaked up on Pearl's shoulder without her noticing. She leans in right next to Pearl's ear.]

Peridot: IT AIN'T REBECCA SUGAR!

[Pearl winces from the close shout and then Peridot leaps, catching Pearl's nose, flicking it with a "twang" sound. Reaching the ground, Peridot grabs a wrench, using it to pound Pearl's foot.]

Pearl: YOW-OH-OH-OH!-OOH! (sees Peridot fleeing) Ooh, I'm going to give your head a wallop!

[Pearl gives chase, but loses track of Peridot. She looks around, not realizing Peridot is right above her. When she looks up, she finally spots her. However at that very moment, Peridot bashes the top of Pearl's head with the wretch. Pearl staggers and is now in a loopy state of mind.]

Pearl: (in an Uncle Grandpa style voice) Good morning! Hey, did you see which way she went? Huh, did you?

Peridot: Hmm, thataway. (points in both directions)

Pearl: Aw, gee, you're a real pal. Thanks.

[Pearl starts to take a step, but simply topples over. Peridot rushes down, stands on Pearl's head and holds her eyes open.]

Peridot: What's the matter, you big clod? Speak to me. Why don't you say something?

Pearl: (baby voice) I'm only thwee and a half years old. (playing with her lips) BL-BL-BL-BL-BL-BL!

Peridot: Hee-hee-hee. I like her, she's silly.

[Peridot then reaches into Pearl's mouth, grabbing her tongue and pulls it out, stretching it. She lets go and Pearl's tongue then shoots back, rolling up like a window shade.]

[Now even more furious, Pearl grabs the wrench again and gives chase after Peridot, who rushes inside one of the parked aircraft. Pearl follows, looking around for her target. She turns to face Peridot, only to have her grab the wrench from her and slam her foot once again.]

Pearl: YOW! OH! OH! AAH! OW! AAH! OW! OOH! AAH!

[As Pearl hops around in pain, Peridot starts up the plane, powering up the engines before getting the wheels turning. As the plane starts to taxi on the runway, she hops back on just before the plane takes flight.]

[Inside, Pearl resumes her search, not knowing Peridot is right behind her.]

Pearl: Here, Peridot. Here, Peridot, Peridot, Peridot. (whistles) Nice Peridot. Whoo. (whistles)

[Peridot sneaks up again and kicks Pearl hard in the backside. She then ducks back behind the door, looking through the window.]

Peridot: (mockingly) Hee-hee-hee!

[Pearl throws the wrench through the window. However she has missed Peridot, who pops back up and makes an akanbe face at Pearl, taunting her.]

Peridot: Nyah!

[Pearl fumes and tries to get the door to get to Peridot. After trying to pry it open, she starts to ram it with hard tackles. Several more attempts are made, with Pearl finally going back as far as she can, with stepping up and onto the other side of the plane for a running start. She charges full speed, but as she does so, Peridot opens the door.]

[Pearl runs out of the plane and into the sky. When she realizes what has happened, she freezes in place, shape-shifts into a jackass briefly before returning to her normal form and rushing back to the plane. However when she get back, she starts to slip and slide thanks to a large of axle grease poured out by Peridot.]

Pearl: WHOA! YOW-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH!

[Pearl then slides out the other opened door and Peridot slams it closed. She starts to walk away, when the door rattles frantically. Peridots opens to look, not seeing Pearl, who clings to the door as her teeth chatter violently.]

[Peridot then sees Pearl at last and grabs a crowbar, placing it to pry Pearl off the door. Pearl gets pulled off but is sent flying and crashes into the wall. She drops in a coin shape and lands right onto the bomb bay doors. Peridot grabs a lever.]

Peridot: Going down!

[Peridot pulls the lever, opening the bomb bay doors and causing Pearl to drop, where her feet get caught on a wire between the doors, and she simply hangs upside down. The plane than soars over to a nearby city. In the pilot's seat Peridot giggles as she steers the plane dangerously close to buildings.]

[Seeing the plane is headed directly toward large office buildings, Pearl leaps back into the plane, rushes to the pilot's seat, and tosses Peridot out of it. Pearl then grabs the controls and pulls back as hard as she can. The plane tips in the nick of time to fly vertically in between two buildings. Flying out, the plane then does a Victory Roll and flies straight up.]

[Inside Peridot fans and shaken and panting Pearl.]

[The plane flies up more until it finally stalls and starts to drop into a tailspin. It picks up speed and inside Pearl looks out and her face drops in horror, while Peridot stands by calmly. The plane speeds even faster now, the force causing the wings to peel away, leaving only the fuselage. Pearl looks again and nearly faints, and Peridot still remains casual.]

[The altimeter rapidly dials the ever increasing speed until finally reading, "Incredible, ain't it?" Pearl turns a sickly color and Peridot simply plays with a yo-yo.]

[The plane spins and a horrible crash is certain. Pearl finally loses it and shouts hysterically.]

Pearl: EEE, AYE, OH! EEE, AYE, OH! EEE, AYE, OH! EEE, AYE, OH!

[Suddenly the plane starts to sputter, slowing down before coasting to a complete stop mere feet above the group. Inside Pearl and Peridot look around, with Pearl wondering what has happened.]

Peridot: How about that? We ran out of gas.

[Pearl looks at Peridot disbelievingly.]

Pearl: Wait, there's no logic to that.

[The plane then finishes crashing, turning into a crumbled wreck.]

Peridot: You just had to say something, didn't you?

Pearl: Ugh...


End file.
